April 2, 2018

I'm Naked!

A quick Google search for the most common nightmares reveals that many of us have nightmared (not a word, but "dreamed" seems too pleasant to use here) about being naked or "nekkid" as we say in my native tongue. You know the deal - you're on a stage, in a classroom, or down at (the) Walmart, and then the realization hits you...you ain't wearing a stitch of clothes.

This situation, as it should, ignites an inner monologue of critical analysis:
  • Everyone is staring at me! - OR - No one is even looking at me. Which is worse? 
  • Did I come here in my birthday suit? 
  • Did I just strip down spontaneously in aisle 7? Why? Why did I do this?
  • Why is Sponge Bob here? Maybe he will give me his pants. Why does he even wear pants? He's a SPONGE, for crying out loud.
Dreams are a weird bit of business, aren't they? Including naked situations, I have a few recurring classics from the "Top 10" list of most common nightmares:
  • I'm back in high school or college, and one of two things is happening - I'm late for a final exam for a class that I never attended OR I'm wandering around in the hallways, because I can't find the rooms for any of my classes.
  • My teeth are multiplying or growing larger to the point where they are breaking off and falling out. A derivative of this one, I think, is getting chewing gum stuck in my teeth. I try to pull it out and some of my teeth come out with it. The gum is a never-ending, possibly growing pink blob of ick. It is surely the preferred gum in hell and is complimentary with your Comcast subscription. 
Gross. If you are still reading this - I'm sorry and thank you. 

So where am I going with all of this?

I'm no expert in dream analysis, but I think it is safe to say that naked dreams - and most nightmares in general - can be traced back to some form of fear at the root. Fear of being exposed, vulnerable, rejected, unlovable, alone. This fear monster has kept me from doing a lot of things in my life - including and especially writing.  I have always felt like I could write my thoughts/feelings much better than I could physically speak the words, so what's the problem? Anytime I've received encouragement to write more, I get a surge of inspiration followed quickly by, "but why would anyone care about what I have to say?"

Until now, I have let defeating self-talk and insecurity win in the battle of "to write or not to write" among many other personal struggles. Here's the thing though - Courage is NOT the opposite of fear. Being brave/courageous is having hope and faith in *spite* of fear, not in absence of it. In other words, It's not brave if you're not scared. In the words of Annie Downs, "Let's all be brave." So here I am - in the bravest pants (square or otherwise) that I could muster. Reviving "Amy's Just Saying" is me taking a small step in what I hope is the right direction.


Let's explore fear together. In order to truly concur it, we have to go straight through it and not around it. In the coming weeks, I want to tell you about the different fears that have held me back from time to time, and I hope you'll join in the conversation. What is it that *really* scares each of us? I mean what's at the root? Where does this fear come from? I'm convinced that answering these questions is critical to winning the war with the fear monster. Let's see where this journey takes us. 

2 comments

  1. I think you have a gift for writing, so definitely be brave!!! Being vulnerable is always scary, but our bravery gives others courage to be brave too and maybe even reach for their biggest dreams!!

    My ultimate fear is that when people get to know me they won’t like me or will think I’m boring or awkward - I’m totally awkward and goofy, but I hope others see as part of my charm. Check out Rachel Hollis’ book “Girl Wash Your Face” I think you might like it!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Jenn! You are so right, and I can COMPLETELY relate to the fear of people knowing/discovering "the real me". I've heard about this book, but I haven't read it. I will add it to me list.

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